Thursday, October 30, 2014
Dating in 2014 is far different than it was over a decade ago when I was last single. Overt sexuality in the media and a high ratio of women compared to men - especially here in the South, I believe, has changed the dating landscape. In my dating life over the past couple of years, the majority of men I encounter have an expectation that after three dates it is time to “put out” or get out. Three dates?
On the one hand, I appreciate the forthright nature of men who decide not to pursue me after the third date. It lets me know that they are not the man for me. On the flipside, it is disheartening because I am left wondering, where are the good men who can appreciate my intelligence, wit, charm and love of life? Admittedly, I would really like to have a meaningful relationship and believe the man who wants one too will cherish all I have to offer. As the pastor of my church put it - sex is the dessert, not the appetizer.
So what is a woman to do? Like men we are sexual beings and desire intimacy. Speaking for myself, in the past when sex was introduced into the relationship, it became a monogamous committed affair. As I dipped my toes in the dating pool, I quickly learned that most people don’t hold that same belief. Seemingly sex has become sport and with the numerous opportunities out there, committed relationships are a thing of the past. I made the mistake of allowing my desire for a relationship to override my clarity of thought. When a man told me he wanted to be in a relationship, despite his shortcomings, I moved forward. Sex was involved and based on previous conversations, in my mind we were committed. However when actions did not reflect the words expressed and I asked about it, “he was not ready.”
I left that situation quickly and realized that perhaps he say my vulnerability as a newly divorced woman and said anything to meet his goal of having me physically. I too was culpable because I let my yearning for the ever elusive great “relationship” work against my better judgement. However, I still pressed on in the dating world, sure the next date might just be the one.
I tried online dating to no avail. The sheer number of wackos and sex fiends I’ve encountered that way is astounding! One man asked me on a date and when we met and I told him my age, he immediately asked for the check.