Misadventures in Potty Training

You know the saying "shit happens"? Well, today it certainly did. Our day started out fairly uneventful, Mekhi and I lounged around the house in the morning and he took a nap at his usual time. When he woke up we went to hang out with our friends "Auntie Calinda" and Cinque at the Fernbank Museum to see the dinosaur exhibit (Mekhi never tires of dinosaurs).

The kids had fun and we wanted to end the day with an early dinner. And that is when the trouble began.

We promised the kids noodles but wanted to try a new place so we decided to visit a family friendly Italian restaurant. We pulled up but things looked scarce so Calinda left Cinque in my care while she checked it out. As luck would have it, the restaurant was closed for "holiday" this weekend. We decided to go to our usual noodle house that both boys love. We quickly placed our order and as usual the kid's food and our appetizers came within five minutes. Good stuff. That is until we ended up waiting 20 minutes or more for our entrees. Calinda and I sat plateless as people that arrived long after we did received their food. We became antsy and finally asked about the server about the delay.

Meanwhile, Mekhi and Cinque ate quietly and after a bit of a fuss, our our food finally arrived. Shortly thereafter, Mekhi started complaining of a stomachache. I explained to my girlfriend that he has a tendency to hold his poop and getting him to use the potty for number 2 is nearly impossible. I already knew he had to go because he did his usual and placed his hand on his butt at the museum, a sure sign that poop was imminent. At the restaurant I assumed he was suffering from holding and couldn't do it any longer. He complained no less that 3 or 4 times so I finally took him out of his seat and he walked around to take care of his business.

Five minutes later as a familiar smell wafted through the air I asked him if he was finished and he replied no. He continued to walk around and play with Cinque and after I finished eating I took him to the bathroom. WELL, this is where the virtual shit storm begins. I took his pants down and all hell broke loose. Shit was running down his leg, was on his shorts and in his shoe. That's right, in his shoe!

And just the other day I was reading a blog post about shitty diapers and thinking how lucky I've been not to deal with such a thing out in public. Until today.

Today was all about ensuring that I left the single bathroom in reasonable condition upon leaving and trying to clean up my child enough to be seen in public. After sitting him on the toilet, dumping as much as possible into said toilet and then wiping everything down with hand soap, wipes and paper towels it seemed my job was done. The operable word here is "seemed". The air was still heavily laden with the scent of recent fecal matter but I chalked it up to the nearly clean but dirty diaper in the trash and the sheer enormity of the load my 2 year old dropped.

We practically ran to the table to pay our bill, Mekhi sans pants (luckily he is still young enough to get away with it - for five minutes anyway) and I told Calinda about the epic poop. She quickly pointed out that there was evidence smeared all over my shirt(which explained the stench).

She retrieved a bag from her car for Mekhi's soiled pants (there was no way in hell I was placing shit laden pants in my new Hayden Harnett bag. It is less than 2 weeks old, no way, no how! ) and we proceeded to the parking lot. While there we exchanged stories of poop - babies and otherwise but we soon parted ways.

I mooned my girlfriend with my thong -NICE and my son started jumping around like a wild man, it was time to go. On the way home I tried to keep my nostrils closed because the smell from my shirt was damn near unbearable. Mekhi fell asleep (thank God for small miracles)

and despite my nasal discomfort I stopped for a sundae because for me, even on the shittiest day in history, ice cream makes everything better.


OMG, you so deserved ice cream after that, and every other kind of creature comfort.

My horrible poop-in-public story: When my son was 3 (and reliably potty trained for many, many months), I took him to Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday party.

They had one of those tube systems where the kids could get all up in them and crawl around miles of tubing suspended near the ceiling.

My boy got up in there, got lost, couldn't find his way out, and crapped his pants. Then crawled all over the tubes smearing crap the whole way. They had to close that thing down for a week to clean it out.
FitCrazedMomma said…
Oh man....
I have actaully not had a great Poop Tale. But I was sure not to even laugh at your story in the fear that WHEN I do, it might be 10x as worse!!
My DD was very easy to potty train with no funny stories, and while I hope my DS(22 month) takes her lead, I am very doubtful. I hope I can find the funny in the horror of a public poo story!!
Thanks for story..I think I may have cracked a tiny smile! ;)
Lucrecer said…
LMAO!!! Renee...you so deserved ice cream after that.
Vic said…
Oh my,

This is what kids are like huh? You definitely deserved that sundae....and a free dry cleaning coupon!!

The pictures are adorable though!!
Joanie said…
Glad you opted for the ice cream.

I went from one kid with what seemed like endless poop explosions to a kid who was either pooping pellets or constipated. Fun stuff. Fortunately, they do eventually become potty trained! Of course, that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of interesting pants found in laundry hampers.

Oh, the adventures you have with kids!
Anonymous said…
ROFLMAO!!!! ahahahahahahah.....ahahahahaha....ahaahahahahaha.... I'm not laughing at you but at the situation. Gurl, I'm so glad those days are over for me. Oh Lawd, you told that story so well.
Sheliza said…
oh no! I am laughing...sorry...I know my time is coming. You will laugh about this story one day!
Ms. Bar B: said…
Giiiirrrrl... my side hurts right now, lol. The adventures of parenthood are many and there is always endless room in the scrapbook for these moments =). Just remember, it could have been worse. The two of you could have emerged from the bathroom pantless, hehehe.
Nap Warden said…
Ugh...You should have had two ice creams after all that!
Rachel said…

The worst poop we ever had was when Monkey was itsy and he had an explosive breastfeeding poop. While he was in his exersaucer toy. It went all the way down his legs into the bottom of the toy and up his back out of his diaper. I heard a squishing squelching sound and turned to find his literally dancing in poop.
It was horrendous.

Of course.. then there was the time I was changing my daughter's diaper and she shot a projectile poop out of her rear and it hit me in my stomach and clung to my clothes..

what..? TMI???
Petula said…
LOL... Okay, I wasn't laughing until you stopped for the sundae. I was feeling your pain and had my nose turned up at the stench. You, my friend, are hilarious. But I think you may have a point... think I can get away with sneaking to the store while the children sleep? Ice cream is definitely in order. :)
auntrene said…
Oh what a Crappy Day!!!
Ice Cream was greatly deserved.. I would of stopped too!

Have a wonderful evening.
Kim Moldofsky said…
So glad my kids are older! You'll be laughing about this someday. Heck, it sounds like you already are!
Naomi said…
Ack! Poor Mekhi! Poor mommy! Thankfully we haven't had any incidents in quite a while but I guess you're never truly safe, huh?!
Threeboys1mommy said…
Awe and Ick! Would it help if I told you that once he gets the #2 down, something clicks, and they just get it, potty training done! At least that's what happened here, good luck!
OH MY GOODNESS! This same thing happened to my younger brother one time at the beach. He was having so much fun in the water that he held his #2. Then he came running up to the beach house with it running all down his leg, everywhere! I still remember it. That has to be more than 20 years ago.
Anonymous said…
OMG!! You crack me up! I love your brutal honesty. Tell it as it is!! :) Looking forward to your next post.
My sides literally hurt from laughing so hard, because it's either that or cry for you in sheer horror! I'm so sorry you had to go through that! I don't blame you. I would've stopped for ice cream too :)
Hilarious. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm ordering a potty training in one day book (hoping to avoid this at all costs :) But I am going to put a change of clothes for me and dd in the trunk of the car just in case.

Thank goodness for ice cream and blog-therapy!
TRochelle said…
This was the best post ever. I literally had tears coming out of my eyes. Luckily you found ice cream, its emotional ducktape!
Anonymous said…
Oh Renee, you little potty mouth.

We're all laighing because either we've been there before or more than likely, because your description of the whole shitty affair was hilarious.

Poor Mekhi. And to think you aired his dirty laundry on the web. One day that boy will have a blog of his own.
OMG! So I'm not potty training as yet but I could only imagine what would I do if this happened to me. I don't know what I would do! Reading all this stuff about potty training is making me so nervous.
T.Allen-Mercado said…
*Cracking up* Wow, just wow. I do have to wonder if shit is worse than pubescent angst...I'm not convinced because ice cream does not work for the latter!
Wifey said…
LOL! You have crossed the Mom's rite of passage - you officially have a shit story!

Isn't it crazy that someone that cute and little can make something that smells that bad.

Winks & Smiles,
Anonymous said…
Oh my what a story.....
Mama Zen said…
Oh, I have SO been there!
Tooj said…
LOL I am so sorry you had to go through that!!! I've been there, though....actually just back in May. I am assuming (maybe wrongly?) that if it was running, that means it was diarrhea?? That is what I experienced with OJ...and he blew out into his shoes as well. He ended up having Roto virus, though...and we had about 30 more straight runny poohs after that. His bum had to HURT. Poor kids.

Ohmigod, I'm on the floor over here.

Sorry girl.

(I love how you spared the purse. ALWAYS save the purse!)
Tiffany said…
When the poop gets on you, you don't even care.
Jami said…
I have soooo been there! LOL
Ms. Understood said…
"even on the shittiest day in history, ice cream makes everything better." . . . . I love that . . . great attitude to have.
Oooooh Nooooo! Why did u remind me. No I'm worried about going thru this all over again. Hilarious story.

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