ss_blog_claim=80281e8a6739f8d9e9a2abcd6c0ea72d

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Does This Ever Happen to You?

I am a mommy. I carried my son for nine months, felt him kicking, struggled with pain, pre-term labor, medications, bed rest and finally gave birth. I see my baby everyday, evidence of God’s miracles. Unforgettable.

I am also a wife. Wife. There are still moments when that title takes some getting used to. You see, I have been married almost three years and it took me 35 (closer to 36) to become a wife. Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband, truly I do. But after thirty-five years of being single sometimes I forget how to do the partner dance. Sometimes I make decisions without consulting my husband – not major ones but the type of thing that would naturally irritate someone.

I did it this weekend. I committed a major faux pax, failure to inform (consult). For the first time in I don’t know how long I planned a mommy night out with my best girlfriend. It was the first time we have been able to have girlfriend time without the kiddies since she moved to my town 3 months ago. Long overdue. I had my plans drawn up - sitter in place, route from Sesame Live to sitter to home mapped out. But I forgot one thing – to mention any of it to my husband. I got caught up in the excitement of seeing Dr. Johnetta B. Cole, Bernice Johnson Reagan and Gloria Steinem all in one place. And I set my plan in motion without consulting dear hubby.

When I realized my mistake it was the night before "the event." Less than a day's notice is never a good thing. But despite having to sacrifice quality time with our son or better yet alone time for himself he took it in stride. I got off the hook with a promise to never let this happen. Despite being married for close to three years I still have my “single” moments. I guess some habits are hard to break.

24 comments:

Serahs said...

I'm not married yet but I do understand what you are saying. I once completely forgot I had a boyfriend for about 2 months.

Sage and Savvy said...

I do that quite often...not intentionally thought...being a mom, a wife, working...you tend to forget a lot of things! Yes, I know DH can get irritated whenever I forget, but it's not like I'm trying to sneak away or hide anything from him. It's just "mommy brain" =).

Sara said...

Sounds like a great night out! You deserve it.

Dawn said...

It took me awhile to always remember to let my husband know what my plans were with my friends. Don't be too hard on yourself! I hope you had a great time and that he enjoyed some time to himself.

Kim @ What's That Smell? said...

It's not something you do ALL the time and it sounds like he took it well, so just chalk it up as a "I'll do better next time" moment.

My husband and I have been married for over 8 years and he still has a tendency to slip in to independent mode. Some people are just more wired that way. I admit it DRIVES ME NUTS because he has occasionally been working in the garage and then just drives away without saying anything. Sure, it was a 10 minute trip to the hardware store, and over the years you learn that if he does that it's likely only for a few minutes, but it still drives me nuts. I don't get mad, I just tell him that he should have told me in case I needed anything. He's getting better...slowly...

Marriage is such an evolving thing. 8 years later, although we can finish each other sentences and interpret moods and all kinds of things very well, there are still moments where we are still learning about each other. And I think the things that drive you crazy about yourself or him will always be there, it's all about how you deal with them.

I hope you had a good time on your night out!

mannequin said...

Nyah. Never happened to me, not once. Ever. :)
I don't think we EVER forget who we are, we just forget dates dangit!
You just haven't learned how to pass the buck sweetie. You need to start using your iCal to notify you way in advance of these things. You can also set it to email you with appts or give you an audible warning at a designated time. Just forward everything to DH.

I would be lost without my iCal. Do you use yours?

Dori said...

I have those "single" moments too. Like you said, after being single well into your 30s, it is a challenge to remember...oh, yeah I have a husband now. LOL. I do it a lot after 2 1/2 years of marriage. I hope you had a great time and as Sara said, you deserve it. :-)

Michele said...

Sure that happens to me! I have an awful habit of thinking about something I need to tell my husband, but forgetting to actually tell him! Of course, he does the same thing a lot of the time, so we both need to improve our timely communication skills. :)

Erin said...

My husband is nine years older than me, and as such, spent a lot more time living the single life than I did, and yes, he commits that same faux pas from time to time. But I love him and easily forgive!

Dori said...

Hey Renee,
Stop by my blog when you can. I have another award for you that you can add to your already great collection. :-)

ali said...

I do the same thing sometimes but I think it's because we've been married for 11 years, and I just think he should be able to read my mind by now!

Amazing_Grace said...

Hubby travels a lot and sometimes he forgets to tell me. One time he calls me in the morning and tells me, "I'm here." I said "Yeah, I know you are at work. What time are you coming home tonight?" He then informs me that he is in Texas. UGH! Yes, he's an engineer.

Tammy Warren said...

Hey....all I can say is congrats on getting a night out. I am long overdue. It sounds like you have a loving husband that understands.

Ms. Bar B: said...

Sorry, and what was the big issue about forgetting to tell him that you were going out before the night before?? Did the two of you have plans? Did he have plans with the baby? If not, then I don't see anything drastically wrong here, so don't be too hard on yourself.

But then again, I'm single so maybe I wouldn't see anything drastically wrong here, lol.

mrsbear said...

I think it's perfectly understandable. Sounds like a lot of fun, I'm sure your excitement and anticipation played a role in your innocent omission as well.

MomMega said...

My husband will forget to tell me that we are committed to dinner at his mother's house...but that's usually so that I can't try to get out of it.

I have book club the last Friday of every month and GNO the second Thursday of every month, so my husband usually knows when I'll be gone...

Mama Dawg said...

That is precisely why I don't want to get married again. I hated consulting and sharing and living with someone (except my daughter).

Jamie said...

Yes, yes I am guilty too!! Been married three years this December and although I was 25 when I got hitched I still make mistakes, I try not to, luckily my hubby is pretty understanding too!!

fly tie said...

not married but in a 5 yr. relationship. i've never had this happen, but then again, we both tend to do our own things independent of each other pretty frequently. then we'll come back with an update like," let me tell you 'bout what happened when i went.....or did...."

now, we don't live together, so i'm not sure if it'd be different if we did.

i do have other, "uuhh..ooops. i forgot i'm in a relationshp." moments, though. ha!

Joanie said...

I would have pulled the old "but I told you! How could you forget how important this was to me???" switcheroo. But you're obviously much nicer than I am.

I'm glad you were able to get out of the house sans children.

Da Goddess

Kwana said...

Love this post. I'm going on 19 years and still have have those moments or now want to have those moments when I'm like man, do I have to ask that dude. You're hubby sounds wonderful and you handled it beautifully.

CaraBee said...

I completely feel you on this one. Same story here: married in my early thirties, for coming up on three years, and I still forget some days to consult him on major issues. I tell you what, though, we NEED those nights out. At least you had arranged child care!

PsychMamma said...

Happens to me ALL the time! Also married in my thirties, and agree that years of singleness play into the problem. Luckily, Hubby suffers from the forgetting sometimes too, so we just try to be patient with each other. So far so good. :-)

angie said...

I've definitely done this before! :)

There was an error in this gadget
Blog Widget by LinkWithin
 
Clicky Web Analytics